Hi, I'm Mary.

"Is your boyfriend the one who got you into Magic?"

At every GP or large event I play, I hear that question at least once throughout the day.

Two days ago, I played in a PPTQ and put up this status: Just walked into a new card shop alone for the first time ever. This is terrifying. I already have anxiety about meeting new people and now I'm surrounded by them. I may sit here looking tough like I don't wanna talk to anyone, but that a because I'm too scared to move. I see why I haven't gone to a card shop since I was in college now. After posting the status and subsequently posting about how much I hated being asked that question, I was told, "I don't know you but you have pretty girl syndrome." He then told me most of my problems in the Magic community stem from that. Now that I have calmed down and gathered my thoughts in a more collected manner, I get that he simply did not understand my qualms. So in a hopefully coherent manner, I will lay it out.

As a male member of the Magic community, it may be difficult to understand or relate to the plight female members undergo. What may be seen or witnessed at your local shop does not make it the rule for all shops. To that point, I would also like to say that if you have never seen a problem, perhaps it is because you are avoiding seeing one. Nonetheless, I don’t want to come off as bitter. The other day a wonderful blog was posted by a fellow Ohio female Magic player (Go Buckeyes!), about how hard it is once you've dated a Magic player to be labeled as anything other than a Magic player's girlfriend/potential girlfriend/ex girlfriend etc. Basically, you can be whatever you want to be, as long as girlfriend is still in the title. At both local and competitive levels, I have dated my fair share of Magic players, but I’m not just “their girlfriend”. I feel by dating these locally or altogether well-known Magic players I lost my identity.

I sit down across from an unknown opponent, but before we can even talk, play, or shuffle I am told I look familiar. Before I started dating Tom, when I was dating AJ Sacher. It was my first time experiencing this. I would excitedly list the GP's I'd gone to recently (really ever at that time) or offer that I used to stream so perhaps they'd watched it. Usually at the word stream, a light bulb would go off and they would say, "Oh, you're AJ's girlfriend." My excitement vanished as that's all I became. For a while after AJ and I broke up, it would still happen. I would still get excited and hope they saw me playing in a GP, but it was never that.

Tom Martell is even more well known. Hell, he even has a Wikipedia page (see link). When I sit across from an opponent and they say they recognize me, I no longer bother listing other possible places they may know me from. I'm Tom Martell's girlfriend, and at a tournament, I cease to be anything else. I just want to be me, and I feel like ever since I started going to big events, I've been associated with one male Magic player or another. That isn't my story.

To answer your question: NO, my boyfriend did not get me into Magic.

SIDE RANT: Why does it have to be a boyfriend/ex boyfriend who gets a girl into Magic? Can't she find the game on her own and enjoy playing? Why is there this male association with her being in the community? Wouldn't the better question be how did you start playing? Isn't that what you would ask any male player you sat across from? Why am I any different?!?

So back to the question… I have an older brother who I was very close to growing up because we are 17 months apart. I guess you could say I was a tomboy. I played video games and hung out with the boys, which lead to my love of Pokemon. After a few years of playing the Gameboy game and watching the TV show, the trading card game came out. I wasn't just going to collect the cards and trade them... It was a game, and I was ready to learn how to play. When I was in 4th grade, my mom would shuttle us to our not-so-local card shop every Saturday to play matches in the hopes of earning gym badges. While we were playing Pokemon, the older kids were playing Magic. In 6th grade, I was walking to school and saw some Magic cards from Apocalypse and Mirage (actual card I found) on the ground and quickly swooped them up. My brother and I quickly set out to learn how to play. He was decent and did well in some local tournaments while I was beyond casual. My deck was the definition of kitchen table Magic. It was at least 100 cards: mono white angels with every Circle of Protection ever printed in the sideboard and a Golden Wish to get them. I was very bad, but I had a lot of fun.

Just before high school, I quit Magic. Almost a decade later, when I was in college, a friend of mine texted me, "busy this Friday. Have a Magic tournament to play in...if you know what that is". Boy, did I ever! My ears perked up, and I insisted he take me with him. I've been playing again ever since.

The joy I got from going to the card shop with him has since vanished, as going has now turned into more of a chore than an enjoyment. I play Magic to have fun, compete, feel connected to a community... but it's hard to feel any of those things when I feel lost in the definitions others have created for me. I no longer mention tournaments I’ve been to recently; I just say who I’m dating. I don’t define myself.

I'm not a girl who plays Magic or a girlfriend of a Magic player. I am a Magic player. I hope one day to feel that is not just how I see myself, but how everyone else does too.