Resolution Time.

When I first started playing Magic, I had one rule: I will only ever date one member of the Magic community. Even if the relationship fails, I will only date one, so I better make it count. I did not make it count, and almost four years later, here I am breaking my own rule (YOU HAD ONE JOB). Why would I even make such a ridiculous and hard to follow rule in the first place? Easy.

For as large as the community is in size, it acts like a small town. Everybody talks, everybody speculates, and most of all, everybody gossips. People will assume if you hang out or talk to someone enough, it means you have slept together. At the very least, you are going to sleep together soon. The number of people I've heard I've slept with from second-hand accounts is insane. But here we are.

I remember back at those first few tournaments when I very first heard rumors of who was sleeping with whom. I sat with an open ear anxious to hear about these "misbehaving sluts" and the tales of how easy they were. Four years later, that's me. I'm the "misbehaving slut." I'm the one who people are gossiping about.

It makes me feel bad I ever listened to the stories, bad I ever passed along what was said, and bad I ever said such terrible things about those women. Before I go any further, I'd like to apologize to all the women...and men I've wronged.

This community has a funny way of turning its woman against each other. There aren't that many of us! Instead of calling each other sluts and allowing the men to do the same, we should stand up for each other. How can we expect men to stop saying such things when we women stand by and let it happen, or even worse, provoke it. I know I've been a party to this in the past, but it's a new year. Let's do this!

Being a woman in a space dominated by men is hard enough. I shouldn't make the experience harder, especially for new women playing the game. I should be there as someone who has done this before. Someone who can help them handle the crowd. Not the most terrifying person in the room (let's face it, mean girls are the worst, and I'm totally a plastic). Every GP I go to this year, I will try not to be catty (even if I feel I have been wronged), I will try to not judge people based on what they wear or how they look, and lastly I will try not to judge people for who they chose to love, date, or most importantly fuck. I think I just wrote this down so you can all hold me accountable for it. This year I'm going to try to be a better member of the Magic/woman Magic Community.
This isn't what I was going to write, but it is how it came out. Happy New Year everyone

@MTG_Mary

Preface

This morning I woke up to an article about females in the Magic community, but before I get into my reaction I would like to make a few things clear. Even though I started out writing a blog about Tinder, much of it has morphed into my experiences at Magic tournaments which I breifly described here. The fun in my blog posts and the negative reactions all stem from the Magic community. Now that the connection has been readily pointed out, let's begin.

Re: Visibility

I've locked myself into brutal honesty for this article. When you're brutally honest, some things come off as cocky. It is not my purpose to brag. It is my purpose to tell the truth. The people I hang out with when I go to Magic tournaments are different than the majority of players. In fact while in Charlotte, it was pointed out to me that my weekend was spent, by in large, with two out of the three largest brands in Magic.

Nowadays when I walk into a Grand Prix I feel unshakable. I know by round three when my friends (who all have byes and who have all played a lot more than I have) show up I will be surrounded by people whom many people in the room wish to be surrounded by. Nothing to fear.

The article however talks about the difficulties of a female when they first enter the Magic community. Who I am now, and who I was then are not the same. After playing Magic at a local shop for sometime I decided to travel to my first Grand Prix with some other local players. Granted, I went to college in Montana, so it was practically the only Grand Prix within driving distance since I started playing Magic. Whether I would have attended one sooner is unclear. I remember not really knowing the people in my car very well, and distinctly thinking one of them hated me, but I was determined to take this once a year chance to play some competitive Magic. I walked into the event hall and was intimidated. I don't know why other female Magic players are intimidated to start playing in larger tournaments, but it wasn't the disproportionate amount of men to women that intimidated me. Grand Prix SLC was the largest of it's time. Being surrounded by so many people, many of which I didn't know, all of which I didn't know well was petrifying. The judge made an announcement during the player's meeting that this was the largest female turn out (by percentage) to a tournament yet. I believe it was 13%. In that moment, I remember being proud. Proud to be a small part of the growing community and proud to be representing female players. I gained a little confidence. I remember buying a blank playmat for my boyfriend who could not attend, and running off to have it signed by all the pros for him.

I distinctly remember shaking in my boot (literal boots) when I asked Brain Kibler if he would sign my playmat, but scariest of all was talking to Conley Woods . He was our favorite author and I wanted to see what he thought of our home brewed deck. After having a near panic attack I sheepishly walked over to the last table in the room to compose myself. It wasn't long before three people I had never seen asked me if I wanted to be the fourth in their two headed giant battle. I said I would, but I didn't know what many of the cards did. They didn't care and took their seats. I didn't know any of these people, but they took me in. Later I learned I had been playing with Paul Rietzl and Matt Sperling.

Years later the people I was intimidated by have become friends of mine. I lived with Conley for a time, and grabbed dinner with Kibler and company in Charlotte. Where I am now makes it hard to remember that at a point in time I felt all these feelings new players feel. After writing I feel happy and nostalgic. The reason why I started writing was completely lost on me. I guess my point is being intimidated is natural, but as I have come to learn there is nothing to be intimidated by. People are just people, and there will be a Sperling/Rietzl to make you feel at home. At the end of the day the majority of the Magic community is friendly and inviting, and the people who aren't... well they aren't worth our time.