I've gotten a lot of shit from people that I'm too upset, too outraged, or being too harsh towards men in the Magic community at large. In fact, I've lost a fair number of Twitter followers this weekend for what I can only assume is my outrage regarding the Reid Duke induction ceremony. If you're unaware, I'll keep this short. This weekend, Reid Duke broke his silence on Owen Tuternwald, as he thanked him in his Magic Hall of Fame acceptance speech. On the surface, this is just a friend thanking another friend for helping his professional and personal growth over the years. Granted, without Turtenwald, Duke would not be where he is today. However, thus far, Duke has not condemned Turtenwald for his actions. Seemingly, he remains an ally on the wrong side of the fence. Now, this could be a post about how Duke claimed to be an ally over two years ago, or how I called bullshit on them from the start. Instead, this is a post about one woman's journey through her Magic playing life. Hopefully, when I am done, you will understand how women have to put in twice the work for half the credit.
The Hook...
I remember the first time I ever saw a Magic card. I was 7 or 8, walking home from school, and I saw a Talruum Minotaur on the ground. Along the rest of my walk home from school, my brother and I picked up the various other Mirage cards that littered the ground. We had already been playing the Pokemon TCG, so we knew of Magic, but had never played. My brother learned how to play and then taught me. We were never serious, but it was always fun.
My First Gathering
Because my brother taught me to play at home, it wasn't until I was 12 that I went into an LGS for the first time.
In comparison to everyone else there, I was (1)extremelyyoung and (2) the only girl in sight. I had always been surrounded by boy cousins and my brother, so number two wasn't as difficult for me as it might be for others. However, how I was treated has remained in my mind.
At this shop, that was my LGS until I took a break from Magic in 2003, my nickname was always jailbait. To give you a grasp on that, in 2003, I was 14. Again, from the ages of 12-14, I was referred to as jailbait at my LGS. At the time, I was...I guess flattered. Looking back, it was extremely fucked up.
...Brings You Back
I think most people who have ever played Magic, will pick up cards here and there and play for fun. While I played a bit in the interim, the true moment I came back to the game was 2011.
I was dating someone who said he couldn't hang out on the weekend because he had "something nerdy to do." I asked what; he told me Magic, and the rest is history. I went with him to what would become my new LGS for the remainder of my time in college.
I was never treated like a person there. I was treated like an accessory to my boyfriend, an annoyance, an easy ***BYE***, but never a person.
Here are some examples of such treatment
- In a pre-release, I beat a now prevalent MTG judge (that I have to see at almost every event I attend). He went off and complained to my "group of friends" that he couldn't believe he lost to me. My deck was built terribly, and basically, I'm a shit player.
- I won a GPT. I made travel arrangements to go to that GP. One week before the tournament, my boyfriend and I were fighting, and a rider in the car (that very same judge) said he refused to be in a car that I was in. Even though I had arranged a ride weeks in advance, and I was first in the car, I was booted. I ended up getting a ride off Craigslist to this GP with a deaf stranger.
- I played a round against someone in a PTQ who told me his friends referred to me as a bye (why tell me that idk, but here we are)
These are events that stand out in my head from my LGS. They do not reflect the numerous times I have been asked if my boyfriend got me into Magic, had opponents play ALL THEIR CARDS facing me , or had an opponent be condescending to me during a match (like I can't possibly know what these cards do). I cannot begin to point out every time an event like these have happened. They are so frequent, I try to forget they happen. Just know they do, and they do A LOT.
Let's talk about the sex...ual harassment.
- Starting off this list with being treated like the only value I offer is being your girlfriend
- Objectified by a well-known MTG commentator: "she's got a butter face, but got an amazing rack."
- Objectified by a person who has t8'd a PT: "you're like built for sex- tiny and great tits."
- Other women I know of and myself, only having a hotel room at a GP under the context that we would reciprocate in sexual favors. (see Lindsey's blog post for similarities)
- Someone, who later went on to be hired at Wizards, had sex with me while I was blacked out. I guess we would call that rape.
- Other women and I being prey to a well-known Magic pro. Using his position of power in the Magic community to coerce women.
Aside: Owen's transgressions were made public in March of this year (2019). In December (2018) I had started to write a blog post with my experience titled: Owen Turtenwald is The Harvey Weinstein of Magic. I reached out to every woman I knew he had been inappropriate with, and all gave the same answer. No one wanted to speak to me, Owen had too much power. They were all worried their ability to play Magic would be compromised if they spoke out against him. Imo, to this day, not much has changed. Many victims remain silent, but that isn't what this post is about. Rather, I hope it gives you insight into the type of power position holds
This list, I could go on and on about. There's a survival behavior you learn to just blend in. If you act like one of the guys, then the guys don't pick on you as much. They just pick on other women. It's not okay, and it's not something I'm proud of, but this was me for a few years. When you're a fly on the wall, you hear the way women are objectified. Hell, you even get objectified to your face. It's a power dynamic used to make women uncomfortable playing the game unless they can be "one of the guys." I have hoped it's been better in recent years, but I honestly don't know.
Why I Care So Much
For 18 years, I have dealt with being marginalized by the community in silence. In the 18th year, I decided enough was enough and spoke out. This wasn't a one-time thing, a brash decision, or me getting upset over one issue. This was, however, the straw that broke the camel's back. Enough is enough. I've been silent for far too long, and it is time to speak out against the boys club mentality.
Maybe it's dumb, but I hope someday to have a daughter I can teach to play Magic. I don't want her to ever have to go through the bullshit I had to go through. I can't bear the thought of the younger generation of women going through the tribulations all for a game they love. It's a marvel I still play this game. I guess you could say- I love Magic. However, I don't love the patriarchy, the boys club, and I certainly don't love minorities (not just women) being marginalized.
In the last year, I've become loud and outspoken on women's rights. I don't accept silence as being an ally. I know there are many links. While some are in here for my amusement, many are to show I have been dedicated to this cause for a few years now. My previous approach did not work. Being quiet did not work. Here's hoping speaking out does.
People have said to me, "You've been playing Magic for so long how are you not better?" I can also tell when some people ask how long I've been playing, that's what they think even when they don't say it.
Truth is, ya I've been playing for 18 years. However, extremely on and off. Every time I get sucked back into Magic, something happens that makes me need to pull away. Last time, it was my rapist being hired at WOTC.
It's hard to just consistently play for 18 years with all the shit you have to take by just existing in a male-dominated space. Women that become "good" at the game work hard keep their heads down and ignore the bullshit to get there. Understanding their journey wasn't as easy as yours is half the battle. Trying to make their journey better is the second part.
